Fear ruled my life for a long time. It still does sometimes.
I’m working on it though, in an unexpected way. I never thought of myself as an artist of any kind, just a failure with big dreams that haunted me from childhood. The desire stuck with me, my imagination running wild, not always in safe or peaceful places.
Finally, I decided. This ugly thing would be for me. I would paint without expectation, only emotion, the thing that scares me the most. Obviously, it didn’t go as planned since I found that instead of painting my real emotion, I’d painted scenery. It wasn’t me, it was a false reflection of the mirror I’d been holding up my whole life. It was a safety mechanism.
Later, that night I decided to put the mirror down and actually paint the fear that had cast long shadows over me since I was born. I was ready. Over the next few weeks I painted letting everything out. When I set the brush down, the wing’s fluttered and my fear wasn’t such a burden anymore.
I’d given life to my first paintings. I’d finished something I never thought I’d ever be able to accomplish. I took the first step into my life as an artist.
And now that I’ve found my path, I can’t go back, I can’t pick that mirror up again. I’m ready to fight for my art, my life has begun and no one will distract me from my life ever again.